What if I told you sexiness had nothing to do with what you wear. What if I told you that it has nothing to do with makeup (or how you do that famed winged eyeliner or sultry red lip). Most certainly nothing to do with the clothes you are wearing. It has everything to do with attitude, confidence, and perception.
Sexy clothing, complementary makeup, fragrance, and hair surely can improve a woman’s sex appeal and desirability. However, that is not where it starts.
Let me explain what I mean…
It all begins with your mindset and what you truly believe about yourself. Digging deeper, I don’t mean what you say to others about yourself, but what you truly believe when you are alone, naked and staring into the mirror. Are you hyper focused on your perceived “imperfections” and “flaws”, that every human possesses? Or, are you able to look at yourself and see the whole picture? Focusing on the true beauty that each woman (YOU) possesses, allowing you to be free.
Positive mindsets to consider instead of negative self-talk:
|When you think this…||Try this instead…|
|I’m fat.||I am working on improving my health and my body will change for the better.|
|I’m ugly.||I am my best me and I play up my best features.|
|I’m too old.||I am exactly where I am supposed to be and I’m moving forward every day.|
|I wish I was able to do ____. |
I wish I had ____.
I wish I could___.
|I have not only created a plan; I have begun to put some work in to go from a wish or dream to a plan to finally a reality I can be proud of.|
The way you speak to yourself is more influential to your mental health than what anybody else could possibly say to you. I will acknowledge that many adults struggle with ramifications of verbal abuse they suffered as children by people or family that were supposed to love them and help them grow. Although the abuse is certainly not your fault, at some point it is your responsibility to heal. It takes time of course but don’t be defeated- take it day by day, step by step until you can hear YOUR POSITIVE voice and thoughts over all other negativity.
Remember your value and beauty doesn’t decrease or diminish just because another person can’t see it. Conduct yourself as if you are truly the most beautiful and confident person in the room. Surround yourself with people who uplift you and encourage you to be your best you.
As you are working on your mindset, simultaneously work on the physical aspects of a sexy woman. Ask yourself what is your definition of a sexy woman? We as women are all different. However, there are things that we should all subscribe to at a minimum. For example, wear clothing that accentuates the parts of you that you feel most confident about. Wearing clothing that fits appropriately – not too baggy or loose, wrinkle free, stain free, no holes, etc. allows the best parts of you to shine through. Take some time to decide what you consider your best features are and play them up. Determine your body shape and select clothing that compliment your figure. This does not have to break the bank either.
I LOVE Makeup! One of the benefits of being a woman is being able to express your creativity via your makeup and hair. Makeup application should always start on a great pallet – a clean and well moisturized face. Anything applied on dirty or dry flaky facial skin will look just that dirty and dry. Simple, light makeup application is really easy to learn. There are many women and men on YouTube of all races and ethnicities with makeup application tutorials. If you need a more hands on tutorial approach consider visiting the beauty section of a large department store such as Macy’s, Dillard’s, or Nordstrom. You can usually walk in and get a free demo. I suggest having a few makeup styles available for the makeup artist to view in order to give them an idea of what you are comfortable with and what you are looking for. Eyebrows that are maintained can be the framing point of your face. This can be achieved by shaping the brows and cleaning up any stray hairs. Don’t forget lips should always appear to be kissable and chap free (there is nothing sexy about chapped lips). It is as simple and easy as exfoliating the lips and applying a light coat of balm, gloss or lipstick.
Fragrance can be so inviting to the senses and is a part of sensuality. Like makeup, it should only be applied on clean, moisturized skin. Daily bathing will keep body odor under control. You may have to consider shaving, waxing, sugaring etc. your underarm hair and groin area to keep odor at bay because hair tends to trap sweat and bacteria that cause odor. We have two options when it comes to scent – no fragrance at all or a pleasant scent. Stench or foul odor is NOT an option for a feminine woman.
Nail and foot care are also a must. Many people speak with their hands and for those who don’t, the general use of our hands allow the people we interact with to observe them very closely. Have you ever seen a very beautiful woman or lady for example with dirty nails or cracked skin on her hands? With the exception of some jobs or gardening for example (and even then, we should be wearing protective gloves) our nails should be neatly filed and clean. Polish is an option I highly recommend. Cracked heels and unpolished toenails have a very unkempt appearance. Keep feet exfoliated and moisturized for a clean polished look.
Pick any celebrity and once you take away the glitz and glam you are usually left with a woman who participates in routine self-care and plays up her absolute best assets and features. She is not wasting time looking at flaws. She is a woman just like you and I, putting on her skirt or slacks one leg at a time.
We all have areas we can improve on. You deserve to give yourself routine physical self-care either by a professional or doing it at home. The key is it must be done routinely with a schedule. Stay tuned for future blog posts on body care and maintenance hygiene that support our quest to be modern feminine women and live a modern feminine life.