Love and Care For Yourself Where You Are

It’s painful sometimes as we wait for change. We fall, get back up. We have setbacks, then overcome. While we are waiting to get to that so called “finish line” the process can be less than desirable.

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Aim to be sexy and confident no matter what stage you are in. Here me now… that’s not being complacent. You don’t have to accept whatever state you are in if it’s not what you really want, not appealing to you, or simply just not healthy. Lasting change does not come overnight. It comes in small increments and doses. Therefore, as you are working toward your goal- love yourself enough to be the best you can possibly be – right now. You don’t have to walk around frumpy and dumpy while you transition. If your clothes no longer fit (ex. they fit for your old body size), pick up a few items to tide you over in your current size so you can still look fabulous. Ill-fitting clothing is not cute on ANY body regardless of your weight and body shape.

Our self esteem can really suffer when we look at ourselves in the mirror and hear the negative self-talk playing on repeat in our head. I know I’ve been guilty of it in the past. I have come to terms and I realize (and more importantly I fully accept) that I’ll never be what my mind or society has deemed to be perfect. You will never be “perfect”. It’s just not possible and you will always find something you think you need to fix about yourself – that’s human nature unfortunately.

It’s not perfection we should look for. We should simply keep striving to be the best versions of ourselves. my honest advice…start small. Pick one think about yourself that you absolutely love and hone in on that one thing. Ask yourself how can you improve this area to make it a focal point? Creating a new focal point- one that you can control, is a great way to reinvent yourself and increase your positive body talk. Simultaneously, you’ll be increasing your body image which leads to eventual better self-esteem.

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I’ll use myself as an example …

I really wish my waistline was smaller. Not just for aesthetic reasons, but my waistline when compared to my other dimensions is simply not healthy. I can remember when I was more physically fit and had more curves than lumps 🤭. It really was not that long ago. Anyway, as I work toward getting healthier and leaner, I am redirecting the focus while I am a work in progress. One way I draw the attention away from my wider midsection is to bring it up to my face. I do this with makeup and accessories. Makeup enhances the beauty you already possess in your face. I wear makeup EVERYDAY, and literally don’t go anywhere without it (unless I’m going to the gym then I’m totally barefaced). I frame my face with my eyebrows, use complementary eyeshadow colors and foundation that matches my skin! I keep my lips exfoliated and moisturized. Truth be told I’ve loved makeup forever since I was about 19. The way I wear makeup now is a more deliberate, classic, and semi glamourous look (at least that’s what I’m going for !👄💄. The point here is I enjoy makeup and I try to keep my face and hair laid right. It gives me that extra boost of confidence that I look great!

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     Another area that I use as a focal point that gives me a huge confidence and self-esteem boost is fragrance.  I love to smell good and I don’t believe in smelling good only on certain occasions, I think perfume is for every day.   Saving the “good stuff” for a special time is something I don’t choose to do.  In reality everyday I’m breathing is a day to be not only grateful, but to be celebrated- as tomorrow is not promised to any of us.   Fragrance is such a mood booster.  I mean scent can really put you a wonderful mood.  It can even reconnect you to some wonderful memories.  Some scents are sensual and sexy, some are classic, light and feminine, while others are simply fresh and clean. Knowing you are not only clean but smell amazing can put some pep in your step or allow you to let the sensuality you have that’s hidden within freely flow out. 

Photo by Fahad Waseem on Unsplash

When you are home, don’t stop the drive to maintain and elevate your confidence and self-esteem. Walking around the house in “woah is me” outfits is a quick way to lose that beauty you were sharing with the outside world! You deserve to relish in your confidence, sexuality and femininity. I know some of this will be a huge step for some women. Take the opportunity to get comfortable in your own skin at home. Get comfortable and confident in your beauty and sexual appeal before you share it with the outside world. Consider buying some nice, well-fitting lounge wear and undergarments. Beautiful lacy bras (even ones with support for us busty gals), bustiers, panties, and thongs- you name it, comes in ALL SIZES. If what you own has holes in it, stains on it, looks worn and tattered, or is the wrong size – GET RID OF IT! Wear something pretty to bed- even if you go to bed alone. Use a scented cream or lotion on your skin after your shower before you go to sleep. Set the mood as you are loving yourself and develop a ritual for winding down that includes self care. I even give myself a light spritz of perfume. Ladies- your perfume is made to be used and not just look glamorous on your nightstand or bureau. Do you own a robe? Is it pretty? Is it functional? Again, if it is ratty, stained and torn you know what to do. Maintain your items and if it’s time to get rid of it- toss it. Pass it on or throw it away if that’s where it belongs. Wear pretty, sexy clothing at home even if it’s just for you! Are your bras and panties fitting as they should? Many stores offer free bra fittings so you can be sure of wearing the right size. This may be a hard thing to do but take a really hard look at the clothes you wear most often. If you are in between your normal weight and your goal weight take a good look at how your clothing fits. Chances are it’s either a bit too small and you’re “making it work” or it is swimming on your new frame. Do they still fit well? Are they stretched to the max at the seams? Are the inner thighs worn thin to the point you can see your skin or even worst there are holes? Can you properly close your blouses or tops? Can your pants be zipped or buttoned without giving you indigestion or the dreaded super muffin top? If you said yes to any of these things, it’s time to reevaluate your wardrobe. Trust me you’ll be glad you did!

Cost is often a reason people believe they cannot update or improve their wardrobe. You don’t have to spend hundreds of dollars at the larger department stores to get some sexy functional undergarments.  Sometimes you can find really nice sets at Target, Walmart, Ross, TJ Maxx, or Marshalls.  Remember to always check the clearance racks!. 

When looking for everyday clothing shop the sales! Consider visiting a thrift store or consignment shop. The nicer the zip code/area, the nicer the finds, so you may have to travel a bit, so take a friend and make a day of it! They even have luxury consignment shops if your budget allows you to spend a little more!

At the end of the day, I’d love for you to leave with this…you don’t have to be frumpy and dumpy.  No ma’am!  You can be classy, sexy, sophisticated and confident no matter your size or where you are in your journey.  If you are unhealthy, I urge you to continue to work toward what is healthy for YOU.   Remember while we are working toward our goals we still have to live our lives and maintain our confidence, sexiness and poise until we arrive.  While you are on your health journey adorn yourself at each stage and each step of the way.  Until next time, stay strong and beautiful!

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